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LIFE BY THE NUMBERS

Life begins…number 1…an iddy-biddy baby
Face value/ second birthday in nappies/ third birthday in nappies/
four is pre-school/ five is school/ six McDonalds takeaways in your town
Seven slow commercials every seven minutes on the box
Eight bells for old Baghdad…bombs away
Nine mutant ninja bloody turtles & ten commandments (oh yeah?)

11 is for the fool/ 12 for the apostles who killed fish/
12 for the jury true/
13 is out of luck (but cool in black)/ 14 is acne/ 15 is hell
16 is heaven/ 17 is conscripted/ 18 has a licence to do anything
and 19 just did it…20 got a job (maybe)/ 21 is not the keys to anywhere
22 is for the fool/ 23 (this is it, are you ready) 23 is ripe for 20 minutes
24 is Xmas eve/ 25 is hot turkey & cold ham, or cold comfort
26 is hangover & hair-o’-the-dog
27 28 29 30 are working breeding feeding building breaking up…
31 is New Year’s Eve/ one is regret/ 2 drinks to forget/ 3 & 30 is divorce
4 is a family/ 5 is a crowd/ six weds 2 families (3 of his & 3 of her’s)
lucky 7 is breaking mirrors/ 8 adds the puss & the dog/ 39 is a party
& 40 is a wake/ suddenly (what happened) 41 42 43 44 45 is a race/
46 48 49 & a half is a blur/ 50 is a golden anniversary
51 is 2 donuts & cream/ 52 is a picnic basket/ 53 (oow) is a chiropractor
54 is a grandfather clock (with the tick & the tock & the tick & the tock)
55 is the retiring gold watch (with the ticka-ticka-ticka-ticka)
56 wears knitted socks/ 57 talks to y’all about heaven
while 58 has a 17 year old date/ 59 has cold showers/ & 60 counts the hours;
one & sixty begins again/ 62 has dying friends/ 63 is not the end
64 has brand new teeth/ 65 is great to survive/ 66 has lots of grandchildren
67 knows the waiting room, the doctor, the dentist, the club, the couch, the comfy chair/ 68
worries/ 69 doesn’t care & 70 is nearly there,
and 71-2-3-4 shuffling out the door, so who’s counting anymore…
who’s counting honey? now listen here sonny: I happen to be alive at 75
I still have my sex and my brains at seventy-sex/ I don’t talk about heaven just ‘cos I’m 77
& 78 & 79 well they were fine, but I didn’t get down to the nitty-gritty
‘til I got down to bein’ an 80 year old biddy
& 5’ll get ya’ 10 & 10’ll get ya’ 20
that I can buckle my shoe at 92
I can climb the mountain & a’swim in the fountain
And I’ll be pushin’ a hundred/ I’ll be doin’ the ton
I’ll be tellin’ my story
‘til the end of the…

David Hallett